The reality TV experiment that’s gone too far
Our sexologist explains why the latest drama on Married at First Sight (MAFS) is more than bad communication between partners, it’s a red flag and wonders if reality TV does enough to protect the contestants.
Content warning: this article mentions domestic abuse. Support is available.
I recently caved and started watching Married at First Sight (MAFS), Australia’s biggest reality TV obsession.
We all know the drill, complete strangers are paired up, thrown into a whirlwind ‘marriage’, and left to navigate the chaos while we watch with a glass of wine in hand and yell commentary at the TV (just me?)
At first, I got sucked in; the absurdity, the drama, and the real-time relationship dynamics unfolding in front of me. I was shocked it had taken me 12 seasons to start watching this ridiculously indulgent and addictive show.
But it didn’t take long before something much darker settled in.
Because beneath the glossy production, I can see that MAFS is enabling toxic relationships on a national stage, normalising coercive control, emotional manipulation, and even domestic violence under the guise of “entertainment”. The cracks have never been more obvious.
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: MAFS is currently under an official police investigation.
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Yes, you read that right. According to Pedestrian, The Daily Aus and The Daily Mail, the NSW police are looking into MAFS and a domestic violence-related incident after one contestant, Paul, punched a wall on TV after hearing about a past sexual escapade from his new wife.
Then there’s Adrian, another MAFS groom, who has documented domestic violence charges against him (Adrian has denied the claims, saying he was acquitted by a court).
These men are on primetime. So what happens if it all blows up? The TV execs probably hold an “emergency meeting”, halt filming for damage control, and try to sweep it under the rug.
But the worst part? When the show’s own “relationship experts” call out these toxic dynamics, the edit is shown not addressing these behaviours for what they are: coercive control and domestic violence.
I think Paul’s behaviour can be identified as early signs of domestic violence, and I’ve flagged Adrian’s actions as coercive control, yet these crucial discussions were erased. This is dangerous.
By sanitising the abuse, viewers aren’t seeing these relationships for what they really are, but instead as just another rocky reality-TV romance. What the show does is allow manipulation, intimidation, and control tactics to be reframed as relationship struggles rather than serious red flags.
Punching a wall after getting into an argument when your partner mentions she’s slept with someone before you? Huge red flag.
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For anyone who has been in an abusive relationship, this can be re-traumatising. For those who haven’t, it’s normalising toxic behaviours as just passionate love or bad communication.
This is not just a MAFS problem. This is a wider reflection of how Australian media treats dangerous and toxic behaviours and normalises domestic violence.
Women are expected to fix or apologise to their emotionally unstable partners, endure controlling behaviour as a sign of love, and ignore glaring red flags because relationships are hard, right?
Huge nope.
Healthy relationships should make you feel safe and calm. Passion means chemistry, fire and desire, but passion does not mean feeling threatened, diminished or unseen. This is how abuse becomes normalised.
It’s sad that at the end of the day, these types of shows are ratings goldmines that thrive on controversy, thrive on toxicity and thrive on the idea that audiences love to watch dysfunctional relationships implode. But at what cost?
Reality TV can and does influence real-world perceptions of relationships.
One study found that exposure to toxic relationships in reality television can shape audience attitudes towards gender roles and relationship norms, reinforcing harmful dynamics.
Reality TV plays a significant role in shaping audience perceptions of relationships, gender roles, and social norms. Research shows that repeated exposure to toxic relationship dynamics on screen can normalise harmful behaviours, making viewers more likely to accept manipulation, coercive control, and emotional abuse as part of romance.
Unlike scripted dramas, reality TV presents these interactions as real, blurring the line between entertainment and actual relationship norms. What this does is desensitise an audience’s struggle to recognise or challenge unhealthy behaviours in their own lives.
What we should all do is call out these toxic dynamics for what they are, demand more ethical production standards and stop accepting “entertainment” as an excuse for harm.
For myself? I’ve decided to stop giving MAFS the attention it so desperately feeds off. Because, honestly, if we wanted to watch emotionally manipulative men get rewarded for bad behaviour, we could just follow politics.
If you are in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship or have experienced domestic violence, help is available.
SUPPORT:
- Call the 24-hour Domestic Violence Crisis Line on 1800 800 098 for crisis counselling, support and referral to safe accommodation.
- 1800RESPECT – phone 1800 737 732 for sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling.
- Women’s Information Service – phone 8303 0590 for referrals to domestic violence services and for safety information.
- The bilingual bicultural staff of Migrant Women’s Support Program (MWSP) work with migrant women and children of diverse cultural and linguistic backgrounds in unsafe relationships – phone 8152 9260 or [email protected], Monday to Friday 8:30 am to 5:00 pm.