Horse tram troubles | Vincent Tarzia is brat? | Trev made flesh
This week, InSider goes to Victor Harbor horse tram boot camp and scrutinises the Opposition leader’s music taste.
Hold your horses
The Christmas holidays are nearly upon us, and thousands of Adelaide holidaymakers will soon be making the annual pilgrimage down to Port Elliot and Victor Harbor.
At the top of many travellers’ lists will be a ride on the horse-drawn tram to Granite Island. The 19th-century-era tourist attraction still has its charm. After all, where else in Australia can you get a Clydesdale horse to pull you 630 metres along a causeway at a leisurely pace?
But punters hoping for a horse tram service running at full capacity this Christmas might be disappointed.
The Victor Harbor Horse Tram Authority, the council subsidiary tasked with managing tram operations (and 11 horses), published a quarterly budget update last month that makes for some sobering reading.
An outbreak of Ross River Virus earlier this year tragically claimed the life of the authority’s only female horse, Isabella, and left the rest of the tram-pulling team worse for wear.
Megan Whibley, the authority’s general manager, wrote that the 2024/25 budget is still tracking well considering the horse tram “has struggled with horse fitness and enough working stock”.
“We haven’t been at full tram run capacity,” she said.
“Getting the horses fit enough for work after the Ross River Virus has taken time and with the dedicated Training team, we are looking good for summer as we see horses return to work.”
Horse tram veteran Murray (pictured) has had to recover from a bout of Ross River Virus. Photo: Victor Harbor Tram Authority/Facebook
The depleted horsepower saw ticket revenue fall $80,000 short of expectations last financial year, with horse tram bookings only netting around $713,000. The authority’s most recent annual report noted, “Horses not able to work consistently and as much during peak times has really affected income.”
Currently, the horse tram runs nine times a day with three horses sharing the load with three runs each.
Whibley said there are five horses in the tram-pulling rotation, but at least six are needed to run simultaneous trams up and down the causeway. Finniss, the authority’s beloved 10-year-old Clydesdale, is out with a sore foot, she said.
Victor Harbor Tram pulling star Norman enjoying some downtime with apprentice Ned. Photo: Victor Harbor Tram Authority/Facebook
“We’re not quite sure at the moment if we’ll have enough working horses for running two trams at a time this summer, which is our busiest time,” Whibley told InSider.
Four other horses – Archie, Barney, Ned and Rusty – are training hard for their chance to pull a tram. Rusty is the closest to making his debut after completing a trial run up and down the causeway on Thursday morning.
It’s not an easy process though, just ask Leo and Archer – two horses who after more than 12 months of training were let go by the authority last financial year.
According to the authority’s 2023-24 annual report, Archer pulled a long face when asked to pull a tram.
“Archer, who decided he didn’t want to pull the tram, has been sold to a loving family,” the report states.
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“We loved Archer, but love isn’t always enough. Realising when it is necessary to move a horse on is important.”
Rough!
Leo was voted out on horse tram survivor for a different reason, namely, he was horsing around too much… or couldn’t hold his horses. We can’t quite tell, but the official explanation is “his nature [was] far too busy for the tram atmosphere”.
“He needs to be challenged, otherwise he grows bored,” the annual report said of Leo.
“Walking to and from Granite Island was going to be far too boring for him. Again, realising when it is necessary to move a horse on is crucial.”
We hope Leo has since found something to satisfy his irrepressible horse heart. Tram pulling isn’t for everyone.
Liberal Party wrapped
The South Australian Liberals might be falling apart in every other domain that matters right now, but at least they’re having a red-hot crack on social media.
Opposition leader Vincent Tarzia’s social media whiz kids got to work this week on creating a state politics version of Spotify Wrapped – the personalised recap every Spotify user got this week with a list of their most-listened to songs of the year.
On Thursday, Tarzia posted “Labor’s spotify wrapped” featuring a top five songs list that in order reads, “Please Please Please, Don’t, Use, Power, This Summer.” Clever stuff.
To prove the libs are across the pop culture zeitgeist, UK songwriter Charli xcx also got a mention. Her album brat and it’s completely different but also still brat was rewritten to say, “brat but it’s not brat it’s actually Labor’s broken promises”. If you listen closely you can hear thousands of Gen Z voters running to sign up at their nearest Liberal Party branch.
After careful deliberation and much newsroom debate, InSider doesn’t believe any parliamentarian is brat but we will be on the lookout for true Charli’s angels at the barrier when she brings Brat Summer to Laneway in February.
More revealing to InSider, however, was Tarzia’s follow-up post that showed he is actually an Apple Music user and his top song this year was ‘Sirius’ by the Alan Parsons Project.
Vincent Tarzia’s son Leonardo has been racking up the Peppa Pig streams – but Sirius still came out on top.
The ’80s era instrumental became famous as the walk-on music for Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls during their dominance of the NBA in the ’90s. Perhaps Tarzia should consider playing it at partyroom meetings to rev the troops up – his caucus is fast approaching the size of a basketball team anyway.
What a drag
Earlier this week, Councillor Henry Davis donned a wig and Salvos blouse to parody Lord Mayor Jane Lomax-Smith.
The video, made with local Instagram-based media brand The Adelaide Set, went (by Adelaide’s very low standards) viral and landed Henry on FIVEaa afternoons with Stacey Lee.
Lee told Davis she was offended by the video, with the frosty reception seeming to catch Davis off-guard. The councillor replied: “Do you want one on you?” before asking why she was offended.
Davis’ video, which dubbed Lomax-Smith a pearl-wearing, chauffeured, “slumlord of Adelaide”, was a return serve after being booted out of the council meeting a week earlier after raising the views of traders in a parking debate.
While the council does cover travel and parking costs for the Lord Mayor and councillors, Lomax-Smith’s preferred mode of transport is not a black town car with Jeeves, but the city’s white Hyundai EV, which you can often spot her in and around the city as she films her own Instagram content.
Lee told Davis she was not sure his video got his point across.
“When I saw the video, I didn’t take any of that. I didn’t see you address those traders’ views that you just referred to from social media. All I saw was you cross-dressing as an older woman and putting on an accent, which I found quite offensive,” she said.
Davis said he was trying to show Adelaideans that councillors and their parking perks are “out of touch” through the satirical clip.
“I think the Lord Mayor is, she’s very capable and she took it all in her stride. So I really encourage you to watch the video again, have a look at the points that I’m making,” Davis said.
The Lord Mayor declined to comment further on the matter but told the Advertiser on Tuesday: “I love a bit of satire, but it works best if accompanied by facts and is in the hands of the talented”.
The tabloid’s reporting on Davis’ antics didn’t end there, dubbing him the “drag-wearing councillor” in a follow-up story about his latest political ambitions: running for Liberal preselection in Senator Simon Birmingham’s soon-to-be-vacated seat.
This comes after Davis lost the preselection bid for the seat of Mayo to conservative staffer Zane Basic earlier this year.
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Davis told Lee the public response to the video has been “really strong” and people have requested he take on transport minister Tom Koutsantonis next. Though he did admit, you won’t catch him flexing a six-pack to take on the Premier.
Dirty talk
Point Vincent residents were horrified to read about a “sickening” incident in their local newsletter, The Port Vincent Focal Point, last week.
The newsletter is distributed at local businesses and is a must-read for those who live in the quaint seaside town.
However, a recent article headlined “Dung Busters at Work” sent shock waves through the community, detailing how someone had decided to use one of the town’s public phone boxes as a toilet – and not for number ones.
The story also included photographs of said human dung in the phone box – as well as a shot of a good-natured local who posed for the photograph as he cleaned up the poo.
The article went on to explain the incident as “sickening” and described the perpetrator as “unsavoury”.
“Using a public phone box as a toilet shows a complete disregard for public property and the community that shares it,” the article states.
“Such behaviour not only vandalises shares spaces, but also creates an unsanitary and unpleasant experience for others who might need to use the phone.”
One of the locals told InSider that “instead of the Focal Point, we’ve decided to call it the Faecal Point”.
Trev, destroyer of worlds, now in plushie form
Chimeric spawn of Satan and RAA mascot Trev has been made flesh.
The absolute sickos working at the roadside assistance (and more!) company have turned their fuzzy, freaky bee into a plush toy – just in time for Christmas.
Is your child fond of the bearded bee? Are you perhaps a fan of the sneaker-clad black-and-yellow demon? Maybe you need a new toy for your dog. Well, Trev can be yours for the bargain price of just $19.95!
The delightful aberration was custom-made by Melbourne-based firm Position, and all profits from sales of Trev go directly to Foodbank Australia.
Not only can you now own the perfect punching bag, but you can feel good about buying it too!
InSider bought our very own Trev today from RAA’s Hindmarsh Square shop, even though either the RAA or our besties at kwpx absolutely should’ve sent us one for free. This column has done so much free advertising for that abomination… Photo below for proof of purchase.
Thank God the RAA went with this design. InSider spotted a photo of the prototype Trev on LinkedIn and… wow… not good.
Kill it with fire…
… and while dissing Trev from marketing
SA icon RM Williams launched its Christmas campaign, Give me a Home, last week and InSider at first wondered if the bootmaker was getting political with a message about homelessness or the cost of renting or buying a house in Australia. No such luck.
It was all about a “rerecord” by Thelma Plum of the Australian classic “Home Among the Gum Trees”.
Of course the marketing pundits employed were just trying to grab an Aussie icon and repurpose it to make us all feel great and run out and buy boots for Christmas, but if their objective was to stay clear of politics (which big business has learned is a good idea), the boffins should have done their homework.
“Home Among the Gum Trees” was written in the early 1970s by comedians Wally Johnson and Bob Brown as their satirical entry into a government competition to find a new Australian national anthem.
InSider reckons Australia missed its chance for a good national ditty that mentions Woolies:
Home Among the Gum Trees
I’ve been around the world
A couple of times or maybe more
I’ve seen the sights, I’ve had delights
On every foreign shore
But when my mates all ask me
The place that I adore
I tell them right away
Give me a home among the gumtrees
With lots of plum trees
A sheep or two, a k-kangaroo
A clothesline out the back
Verandah out the front
And an old rocking chair
You can see me in the kitchen
Cooking up a roast
Or Vegemite on toast
Just you and me, a cup of tea
And later on, we’ll settle down
And go out on the porch
And watch the possums play
Give me a home among the gumtrees
With lots of plum trees
A sheep or two, a k-kangaroo
A clothesline out the back
Verandah out the front
And an old rocking chair
There’s a Safeways up the corner
And a Woolies down the street
And a brand new place they’ve opened up
Where they regulate the heat
But I’d trade them all tomorrow
For a little bush retreat
Where the kookaburras call
Give me a home among the gumtrees
With lots of plum trees
A sheep or two, a k-kangaroo
A clothesline out the back
Verandah out the front
And an old rocking chair
Some people like their houses
With fences all around
Others live in mansions
And some beneath the ground
But me I like the bush you know
With rabbits running round
And a pumpkin vine out the back
Give me a home among the gumtrees
With lots of plum trees
A sheep or two, a k-kangaroo
A clothesline out the back
Verandah out the front
And an old rocking chair
Give me a home among the gumtrees
With lots of plum trees
A sheep or two, a k-kangaroo
A clothesline out the back
Verandah out the front
And an old rocking chair
Words and Music by B. Brown/W. Johnson
© 1975 MUSHROOM MUSIC PTY LTD
