Vibes are high in 2025
This week, CityMag’s resident sexologist answers a reader’s question and debunks the myth that a woman can become too reliant on her vibrator.
Q: Is it true that as a woman, if you always use a vibrator, you’ll never be able to orgasm another way and you’ll lose sensitivity? I’m scared that if I use my vibrator I’ll become dependent on it.
A: Let’s clear this up once and for all. Vibrators do not ruin your ability to orgasm or make you ‘dependent’ on them.
The idea that using a vibrator will permanently change your sexual response or desensitise your clitoris is one of the most persistent myths in sexual health. It’s often fueled by societal discomfort with female pleasure and misinformation about how our bodies work.
First, let’s address the concern about sensitivity. Vibrators work by providing consistent, intense stimulation to the clitoris or other erogenous zones. While it’s true that immediately after using a vibrator, you might feel temporarily less sensitive (similar to how your muscles feel after a workout), this is short-term. Research has shown that vibrators do not cause long-term changes to nerve sensitivity or function.
Your clitoris has around 8,000 nerve endings, and it’s designed for pleasure, meaning it won’t ‘break’ from use. If you feel like your body needs more time to respond to other types of stimulation, it’s not because the vibrator has done any harm. It’s simply that your body has grown accustomed to a certain type of sensation. Think of it like developing a preference for your favourite dessert. It doesn’t mean you’ll never enjoy other treats; you might just need a moment to adjust.
Another common misconception is that vibrators create a dependency, meaning you won’t be able to orgasm without one. This isn’t true.
Vibrators are tools for enhancing pleasure, not replacements for natural sexual responses. If you notice you’re finding it harder to orgasm without your vibrator, it’s likely because your body has adapted to the efficiency of the stimulation (it’s faster and more direct than manual or oral stimulation). However, this doesn’t mean you’re dependent. Mixing up your sexual routine and experimenting with other types of touch can help reintroduce variety to your pleasure experience.
I also want to flip this narrative: vibrators are actually incredible tools for understanding your body and improving your sexual well-being.
Research conducted by Dr. Debby Herbenick, a prominent sex researcher, has shown that people who use vibrators often report better sexual function, including improved arousal, lubrication, and orgasm frequency. Vibrators are also frequently recommended by sexual health professionals to help women who struggle to orgasm discover what works for them.
In fact, vibrators are widely used in therapeutic settings to help people overcome sexual difficulties, such as anorgasmia (difficulty achieving orgasm). They’re tools for empowerment, not something to fear.
Now let’s talk about the orgasm gap.
Studies consistently show that during heterosexual encounters, 95 per cent of men orgasm, compared to only 65 per cent of women. This gap highlights how female pleasure is often overlooked or misunderstood. Vibrators are one way to help close that gap, as they provide targeted stimulation that many women need to reach orgasm.
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Contrary to popular belief, most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone. The clitoris is the star of the show, and vibrators are just one method of giving it the attention it deserves. Using one isn’t cheating, it’s simply understanding your anatomy and what works for you, which is power.
Another myth tied to this fear is the idea that orgasms achieved ‘naturally’ are somehow better or more valid than those involving a vibrator. Pleasure is pleasure, whether it’s achieved with a partner, your hand, or your favourite device. There’s no hierarchy of orgasms, and no one type is more legitimate than another. This kind of thinking often stems from outdated societal norms that shame women for exploring their sexuality or enjoying their bodies. Let’s break free from that. Your pleasure is your own, and there’s no wrong way to experience it.
If you’re worried about becoming too reliant on your vibrator, here’s a tip: balance is key.
Think of your vibrator as one tool in your pleasure toolbox. You can mix it up by experimenting with other forms of stimulation, like manual touch, oral, or even fantasy. This variety keeps things exciting and reminds your body how to respond to different types of sensations. If you’re using your vibrator often, try incorporating it into partnered play, or use it as a warm-up before exploring other types of touch. Communicate with your partner (if you have one) about how you enjoy being stimulated, and encourage them to join in on the fun.
Using a vibrator won’t ruin your ability to enjoy other types of pleasure, it’s a myth that’s long overdue for debunking. In fact, vibrators can help you discover what makes you feel good, boost your confidence in your own body, and even improve your sexual satisfaction.
At the end of the day, your pleasure is yours to explore. Whether you use a vibrator, your hand, or no tools at all, the most important thing is that you feel comfortable, empowered, and free to enjoy your sexuality without fear or shame. If you’re curious, a great place to start is to go to the local store Adult Bliss Erotica and explore all the different types of vibrators you can use! They have hundreds of different types to suit your personal needs and pleasure style.
So, if you’ve been holding off on trying a vibrator because of these myths, consider this your green light. Go forth, explore, and enjoy! Your body will thank you!
Stay safe and stay sexy.
Jamie xx
Jamie Bucirde has a postgraduate degree in sexology from Curtin University. Her advice is of a general nature and should be taken in the spirit of the column.
On The Cusp is supported by Adult Bliss Erotica, find out more about their range to support your sexual health and wellness via their website. Read the entire back catalogue of On the Cusp here.